- < ! < - - Andrea Coates - ! - Writing JUNK -

LET'S GET READY
to
RUMBLE!

THINK
YOU
CAN
HANDLE
IT?

A

THOROUGH

LAMBASTING

OF
MODERN
CANADIAN
FEMINIST
FICTION?

BRAGGADOCIO
UN SEEN
IN
CANADIAN
LETTERS
SINCE

IRVING LAYTON?

RIGHT THEN

ROUND ONE

Listen to me, for I am such ( and such ), and above all, do not confuse me with any other,

said Nietzsche

and in Deed

who am I

who should not be confused

with Any Other?

I am

Andrea Coates

the Coming Queen a CanLit

You're like, “ How can you be? Cause ... I just found you on the Web, like, the Other Day. ”

I tell you, it's Easy, my Educated Friend

An Angel told me so

“ An Angel? ”

An Angel

A Series of Dendrites interacting

the Creation of New Neural Pathways

the re Writing of Circuits

the Xpansion of Consciousness in Ecstasy

a Great Big Thumb descended from the Sky and touched me on Top of the Head, Okay?

There is no Thing

Rationality

can do to dispel it

I hope you understand

It's an Angel

You could cut me Open

or subject me to Terrible Brain Washing

but would it be Worth it?

Of course not

I’m a Great Writer

People love Great Writers

See, Andrea Coates has asked her Self, “ who is the One who is living in me now? ” and she has concluded that it is the StoryTeller, the Spirit of the Universe, Brahman, God, Allah, and so she sees no Need to xalt her Self, Merely to show you this Gold which she has panned from the River of Life for the Glory of us All

Self Deprecation is Circumstantial

When the Moment calls for it

I bow before those whom I respect and wish to honor

Equally

when the Time calls for it

I'mna scream

like a

Mountain Screamer

on her

Fucking Mountain

claiming my Domain

ROUND TWO

I am the Coming Queen of CanLit because

1) I write Novels. There is a Connection between the "Great Writer," the Canonized Author, which the Queen of CanLit must Most Certainly be, and the Novel. The Novel is the PenUltimate Form by which Modern Writers in English are judged. One may xercise Any of the Writing Genres - Poetry, Fiction, non Fiction - and be considered a Talent, but to be considered a "Great Writer" One must, allmost without Xception, have mastered the Novel. This is due, I think, to the Fact the Word "Writer," for those not enrolled in an MFA, for those who don't comment on Literary Blogs, evokes, due to their Popularity, Novelists ( Fiction Writers ) and Journalists ( non Fiction Writers ). Let's say Poets are a Breed onto their Selves - Poets Only write Poetry and Writers can write Any, or All, of the Literary Genres, so a "Great Writer" ought be More than a Poet, Otherwise, it would suffice to call them a "Great Poet," yes? No One, as Far as I know, has been crowned a Great Writer for writing non Fiction a'Lone, besides the "Great Philosophers" - an Other Distinct Breed, like the "Great Poet." For Xample : do we even talk of "Great non Fiction Writers"? Rings a Little Hallow. E'Specially when compared to "Great Novelist." Equally Hallow are the Terms " Great Journalist " and " Great Essayist. " The Fact is, "Great non Fiction Writer" etc remains a Tepid Compliment until said Writer writes a Novel, in which Case that Writer might move up to the Level of "Great Writer." Hunter S. Thompson, and George Orwell, "Great Journalists" Both, are still Better known for their Novels - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Animal Farm / 1984. I think this is because Novels have "Themes," which xist in the Timeless Space of Mythology, and therefore relate to People Longer than the "Subjects" of Journalism, which xist in the Moment and then are gone, replaced with New Subjects - hence "the News." Great Short Story Writers also qualify as "Great Writers," but there are Fewer "Great Short Story Writers" considered "Great Writers" than there are "Great Novelists" considered "Great Writers"- you have to be an "Xtra Xtra Xtra Xtra Great Short Story Writer," like Borges or Alice Munro or Chekhov, in Order to be made, Well, an Honorary Novelist. I think this is because the Novel is Meatier and Easier to relate to than the Short Story - More like a Full Length Feature Film than a Short Film. In its Length and Consistency of Plot and Character, the Reader feels More Commitment / Attachment to the Novel than the Short Story. To sum up : for a Variety of Reasons ( its Potential for Thematic Timelessness, its Length, etc ) the Novel is the Most Popular / Well Respected From of Literature to Day. The Mass' Recognition of a Book is Necessary for it to be considered a "Great" Book, its Author a Canonized Author, as opposed to just a "Good," or a "Literary" Book or Author. To be a "Great Writer" - like Tolstoy or Austen or Atwood - you must have Wide Spread Recognition through Time, and Collections of Short Stories / Essays do not get the Wide Spread Recognition Novels do. Say it's Wrong and Foolish All you want, but look at the Canon and observe the Truth of what I say - Most of the "Great Writers" are Novelists.

2) I write Poetry, Short Stories, Essays, and Philosophy, as Well as being a Spoken Word, Rap, Film, Performance and Porn Artist. The Former make me More Respectable to the Literary Establishment, the Latter make me More Accessible to the Mass, which is Often put off by "Literary Writers" Pure and Simple. The Works of "Literary" Writers are Abstract, and Writers' Public Personas aren't Usually as Xciting as a Film / Music Stars' - hence the Boy who cried "End of the Publishing Industry," because "no One" was paying Attention to it. This is to say that if Any One's Literary out Put is going to be sold and read to Day, what with a Proliferation of Medias to distract us from reading, it's a Hot Naked Chick who's Present in All those New Medias. I make Poem Movies and post them on YouTube, for Fuck's Sake - try to make Poetry More Relevant to the Digital Generation, please. But, besides All this multi Media Fun ( an Xcuse to hang out with jody? ), I also plan to write Three Key Books of Philosophy during my Life Time ( On Sx, On Drugs and On Anarky ) and Several Books of Mysticism. These Books will ensure my Position as a "Great Writer" is unDeniable - I dare say None of my Novel writing Contemporaries will match this Feat of Intellect, but I also dare them to.

3) Canada has a Literary Matriarchy. Canada is Novel among Places in the World since Literature as "Writing" began in that it has a Literary Matriarchy. Canada's Literary Throne is, in 2012, split between by Two Equal if Differing Queens : Margaret Atwood ( Popular, a Novelist ), and Alice Munro ( Xcuisite Prose, a Short Story Writer ), who together form a Sort of Canadian Literary Consciousness - Snarky, Witty, Savvy, Bleak, Survivalist, Feminist ( the Way we feel on the Landscape, I think ).

Nations with Literary Matriarchies are Rare on Account of Literacy Only having come to Ladies in the Last Few Centuries, while Males have been writing Literature for Thousands of Years ( Personally, I blame Western Patriarchal oppression ). Every One knows Granny is a Grand Story Teller and that a Majority of Fiction published to Day is sold to Ladies. Ladies Currently make up the Largest Demographic in post Secondary Programs on Turtle isLand. Ladies are Intelligent, e'Specially with Language, which, with a Little Education, makes us Good Writers. We are Creative Story Tellers and Poets, being tuned in to the Symbolic and Emotive Flux of the World as we are. Ladies are More Capable of dominating "Great Writer"dom than we have ever been given Credit for.

The First Place Ladies appeared as Great Writers was England, which was no Doubt due to the Country's Wealth during that Period ( Industrialism ). Still, the Stigma these Ladies ( Virginia Woolf, Mary Wollstonecraft, Jane Austen, George Eliot, among Others ) had to overcome within a Culture ruled by Sxual Stereotypes is Clear. It makes Sense that Canada, a Colony Close in Spirit to England, but with the Physical Distance from the Cultural Heart Necessary for the loosening of Rigidified Social Status Quos, and Terrain of Such Roughness the under Valuing of Ladies' Strength and Intelligence would have proven Fatal to Colonizers, ( the Frail Lady has allways been a Bourgeois Phenomenon ) should have produced, in the Late 20th and Early 21st Centuries, post "Feminist Revolution," a National Literature dominated by the Work of Ladies.

In an Ideal World, Gender would be i'Relevant to Literary Greatness. But this is not that Ideal World. Canada's Literary Queenship is Some Thing Special, to be encouraged until Greatness of Intellect in Ladies is taken for granted by the Populations of All Nations, rather than Repeatedly squashed and squandered by the Patriarchal Institutions that are still doing Most of the Deciding in Matters of Literary Greatness.

The Trend Continues of it's Own Accord, however : the Hottest Young Names in Canadian Writing to Day are Ladies' Names. Other than Perhaps Hal Niedzviecki, or Patric deWitt, no Young Male Writer in Canada I know of has Any Notoriety ( Perhaps I'm Biased ). Douglas Coupland, no Longer Young, even when "Young Writer" xtends up to 40, is the Stephane Dion of Canadian Letters. Joseph Boyden and Rawi Hage, both Over 40, still can't be held to Margaret Atwood, and, in my Opinion, Michael Ondaatje is not a "Great Writer", but a "Good" One, Popular among Middle Aged Ladies, the Purchasers of Most Canadian Novels. Speaking in Terms of Prose and Themes, I find that Ondaatje's Books are Hallmark Cards compared to those of Some One I would have no Reservations at All calling a "Great Writer," like Roberto Bolano, or Fyodor Dostoyevsky, or Franz Kafka. Ondaatje is too Sweet, too Florid, like a Greeting Card. He uses the Word "Avuncular" Three Times in Divisidaro. There is not Room, in 288 Pages, for the Word "Avuncular" to be used Three Times. There isn't even Room for "Avuncular to be used Three Times in a 1000 Pages, unLess it's Fantasy with Dwarfs and "Prose Poise" ranks Lower than "Plot Action" on your Readers List of Desirable Literary Qualities, or you're James Joyce in Finnegan's Wake using "eggs" and "omnibus" like Twenty Times Each, but Joyce was being Absurd, whereas I don't think Michael Ondaatje is trying to be Absurd at All. Michael Ondaatje is the Ian McEwan of Canada. He writes Hollywood Lit that tugs at the Tear Ducts and Purse Strings of Middle Aged Ladies with Educations, then Probably has Sx with them after Book Signings. I don't know. I would do that if I was Michael Ondaatje, but I would also write Denser, Darker Books. Moving on. I think the King of American Literature Right now is Jonathan Franzen ( though he is Lit Lite when compared to Some of the Better American Novelists of the Early 20th Century, or even Bret Easton Ellis ) not Philip Roth, because JF's is More the Consciousness of Am Lit Right now, the depressed mid Western Consciousness, rather than of 50 Years Ago - the Chauvinist East Coast Jew Consciousness ( Bret Easton Ellis representing the Less Xplored [ in "Serious Literature" - and isn't this why we take BEE Less Seriously? ] "Hollywood" Consciousness ) and there is no corresponding Queen, which is Sad, and don't the Lady Writers of America know it. I beg you, don't take Any Thing I say here too Seriously. Make your Own Mind up about who the "Great Writers" are. I'm just spouting off because I'm High and have no One to talk to.

4) I am the Greatest Writer of the up and Coming Canadian Lady Novelists even though I am the Youngest and here is why

ROUND THREE

Reasons S.i/S: Splendid in/Sanity, my First Novel, is Greater than Any Thing yet written by Heather O’Neill, Zoe Whittall, Sheila Heti, Esi Edugyan, or Johanna Skibsrud, a Sampling of my Competitors for the Position of Greatest Canadian Lady up and Coming Novelist of the Early 21st Century - or, Margaret Atwood's Heiress Apparent.

Admittedly, this Selection is skewed based on my Personal Sense of who is a "Happening Young Lady Writer in Canada Right now," so Perhaps there are Writers ( Lynn Coady? ), and there are Definitely Books missing from this Analysis, but I think my Point is Effectively made with the Writers I have chosen and the Books I discuss. Dhis is All about Style, Man. Dhis a Brain Xcersise. I am doing Literary Leg Lifts. And One -

O'Neill won Canada Reads in 2007 for an enJoyable First Novel called Lullabies for Little Criminals. The Novel is about a Girl named Baby who grows up in Montreal with a Heroin Addict for a Father. I thank O'Neill's Lyrical Imagination for lifting this Story from Morality Lesson about Inner City Poverty, entertaining as a Marxist News Paper, to a Piece of Art I spent Two Days reading non Stop. Prose is Lush and Sparkly, O'Niell doesn't shirk from the Nitty Gritty, and the Ending provides a Believable Salvation. I liked this Book. I Really did. I don't give Good Reviews Very Often ( Mostly because I have Less to say about Books I like - I find there is More Self Xpansion to be found in analyzing Some Thing One doesn't like than Some Thing One does ).

I think S.i/S: is a Greater Book than Lullabies for Little Criminals. Why? It’s Bigger, it’s Darker, it’s More Mature - even from a Younger Writer. The Prose / Construction is More Inventive / in'Tense. Baby is Twelve and Thir'Teen in Lullabies for Little Criminals. My Protagonist, Hap'e Blue ( tell me, what's up with these Cutesy Canadian Girl Names? ), grows from Thir'Teen to Twenty Three over the Course of S.i/S: and the Issues she deals with in becoming Adult, traveling between Countries, gaining and loosing Lovers, Friends and Jobs, told out of Chronological Order, in my Peculiar Way of writing Things, gives my First Novel a Wider Sociological Perspective and a More disTinctive Literary Voice than O’Niell's, which is Lush and Sparkly and Lyrical and All, but Ordinary in Terms of in'Novations in the Constructions of either the Novel or the English Language as Arts.

In Other Words - S.i/S: has Broader Scope and More Style. And the Ending to S.i/S: is not so Much the Bitter Sweet Last Tears of Childhood of Lullabies for Little Criminals, but a stepping into Charon's Boat on the River Styx - there's Worse to be found on the Other Side ( chronicled in The Sx Majik Book, Hap'escapes, and We change the World - I like Sequels - when they're done just Right ).

I enjoyed Bottle Rocket Hearts. Enjoyed the introDuction to the Queer Scene in Montreal in the 90s. Enjoyed the Prose that conjured Vivid Metal Images by drawing Attention to Objects. But, that was Virtually the Only Literary Majik in the Book, and the Conclusion was of the Sloppily Patched together Soap Operatic Sort, like the Novel could have used an Other Fifty Pages and an Edit or Twenty Five. Can't seem to grab hold of to Copy of Holding Still for as Long as Possible ( and am too Poor to order it ), but fear "Quirkiness" of Prose, Character, and Plot, even when dealing with Heavy Topics such as Rape, AIDS, and homoPhobia, out weighs "Mythos," that Lyrical diving into the Bottomless Pool of the Collective unConscious, in Whittal's Literary Style, and this is to the Detriment of her Message.

S.i/S:, on the Other Hand, is a Complete subMersion, a Swim in the Dark Tears of underStanding. While Bottle Rocket Hearts is a Small Book, allmost a Novella, but without the High Degree of Conceptualization that elevates the Best Novellas into a Crystalline Art Form ( think Metamorphosis ), told in Chronological Order in a Conventional Prose, S.i/S: is a Hefty Book ( Thematically ) at 400 or so Pages, an Xperiment in Alt Lit, and an Utter Mind Trip, ripping Readers from Novelty to Danger to in'Sight and so on, as if Bottle Rocket Hearts were a Glass of Red Wine at a Bar in Montreal on a Thursday Night with a Few Friends and S.i/S: were an out Door Orgy in the Forest in British Columbia offering Various Delectables to the Guests.

Sheila Heti wrote a Short Story Collection called Middle Stories, a Novella called Ticknor, and a Second Short Novel called How Should a Person Be?

Gee

Where should I start?

Just the Titles xhaust me

How Should a Person Be?

How 'bout

who is Shelia Heti?

Sheila Heti organized a Lecture Series in Toronto called Trampoline Hall. At Trampoline Hall, People talk about Things they have no Xpertise in - like if I were to talk about Bowling or the Mining Industry or going to Church. Heti also contributed Many of the Middle Stories to McSweeny's Intellectual Culture Magazine, The Believer.

Now

here's what I get from these Two

Snippets

of Information :

Sheila Heti's Work is enDemic of the

And in Deed, reading How Should a Person Be? is like cuddling up in your Apartment in Toronto with a Hand Made Wool Blanket you got from your Equally Quirky Friend, sipping Apricot Schnapps, browsing through a Poetry Chap Book, and wondering about flirting with that Androgynous Guy you met at your Theater Group. ie : it's Totally Mundane and Safe and therefore not Xciting to read about at All unless you're Friends with the Author, which is the Whole Problem with Hipster Art, now isn't it? ( it's Self Referential, Cliquish, and Only inTeresting to Spoiled Students. ) Sheila Heti's How Should a Person Be? is the Literary Equivalent of an onLine Status upDate ( in Comparison, a Similar, American Twit Lit inCarnation is Tao Lin ), which People from this Generation seem to think is Cool / Funny / Original / Philosophical, like a YouTube Web Series called Xtreme Naval Gazing, but what ever, Time has an Amazing Way of weeding the Relevant from the irRelevant.

This is what How Should a Person Be? is about, as Far as I can tell : Sheila Heti and her Twee Hipster Art Friends wandering around Toronto talking about how they wish they could be World Renowned Masters of their Crafts but fear they don’t have either the Talent or Ambition to be Any Thing More than admired by their Similarly Privileged Economically University Arts Program Graduates with their Similar Procrastination Habits and Lingering Plans to "Sell out" when they turn Thirty Six / get a Real Job / have a Kid / their Nxt Manuscript / Band / Play / Collection is accepted / rejected by Publishers / Producers / Companies / Galleries / Audiences. I know Heti is diagnosing a Wide Spread Disease here ( the Difficulty of producing Artistic Work / being Authentic under the Pressures of Modern Urban Life ), but for this Very Reason her Novel's Central Theme is just sitting there at the Gate, Dazed, captivated by its Own Shadow, while the Rest of the Runners are off.

The Problem with All Hipster Art Work is the Same, Man :

It's the Same as Every Other Hipster Art Work

and this cancels out its being Cool

Standing in Groups in Obscure Locations is to Music what sitting a'Lone in your Apartment is to Literature

Even Hipsters, Some what Intelligent Beings that they are, with their Arts Degrees, understand that being a Genius means being a Lone Ranger, so, it bothers them a Little they'll Never achieve this ( the Solitude of the Soul and Consequential Suffering Necessary to be a Creative in'Novator ), but not so Much because they're surrounded by People who are Totally Similar to them ( in their Apathetic, Self Centred Privilege ). Which is what creates that Fuzzy, non Threatening Txture Common to All Hipster Art Productions - it's the Soft, Sweet, Wool Blanket, Apricot Schnaps, Apartment in Toronto Lull of not having to try Very Hard to be liked.

Sheila Heti's Book is Popular because it is the Book her Contemporaries wish they'd written, and she's achieved this by writing about writing about what Other People wish they'd written about. It's Cannibalistic, and this Ouroboran Ultra Self Aware Self Referentialism ( what happens when you grow up on FaceBook ) cements the Novel as the Canadian Hipster Literary Tome par Xcellence ( a Point for the Lit Dorks - Tao Lin's American Hipster Novel, Richard Yates, opens with an Anecdote about a Hamster eating its Own Babies ). It also cements the Novel's Mediocrity. It's Hard write a Great Piece of Literature about wanting to write a Great Piece of Literature without drying up All the Action that should be taking Place in the Novel, and Tao Lin suffers from the Same Problem : Both he and Sheila Heti are Stuck in One Spot, chasing their Own Tails, like Hamsters in Wheels, or Birds in Cages, and so Writer's Block makes up Most of Heti's Novel like Emotional Constipation makes up Most of Tao Lins'. Relevantly, Both Authors write "Short" Novels.

InTerestingly, as Lauren Elkin determines it is in her Review, the Theme of How Should a Person Be? is not so Much how should a Person be? but how should a Lady Artist be?, a Conceit that makes me laugh. Like me, of Course. The Ego comes with it, Daw'ling.

So, Sheila Heti spends the Sum Total of How Should a Person Be? trying to figure out how to be me? That's flattering, but when I'm reading a Book, I'd rather be shocked and awed than flattered.

I got a Third into How Should a Person Be? before I was like, if I keep reading this, I'm going to start wearing a Beret, drinking Xpensive Coffees, and twittering about how my Master's Student's Essay on Contemporary Clowning is going ( I plan to sell it to CBC as a Radio Documentary! ). You're trying to be me, Sheila Heti, but your Book is All you and the mid Level Scene you surround your Self with - and I have but a Limited inTerest in the uninTerrupted, if Mildly depressed and Terribly Self Conscious ( but Only in so Far as the Hipster is being looked at by Other Hipsters ), Languor of the sub Urban Middle Class - eSpecially when Solipsistic Posturing is confused with Rigorous Philosophical Inquiry. How Should a Person Be? is The Help for Young Ladies who have Ambitions to a Career in Urban Arts Circles : it's Easy, it's Safe, it's Spoiled, it's Boring, it's pretending to be proFound but Really it's just Stuck up.

Every now and then since my First Effort I have picked H.S.P.B? up hoping this Time I will like it, this Time I will find my Equal in it's Pages, just like the Reviewers suggest I will, but the Reviewers have confused Heti with what she is trying to be ( and that's me - the Literary Genius ). Once I get past a Sentence or Two, my Conclusion is allways the Same - the Talent isn't there. Oh, Heti's Talented All Right, don't get me Wrong - she's written Three Published Books and getting Better Each Time - but to Level her Book is about wishing it was? No Beans, Lady. No Beans. To write a Work of Genius, you gotta get Savage Some Times, and the Worst Heti gets is Petty. No Great Novel was ever Petty, Heti. In the Great Novel, you can't flatter People like Heti does Margeaux ( inTentionally ), or me ( uninTentionally ) : you have to skewer them.

Heti's Third and Best Book so Far is the 6th Chapter of S.i/S: set in the Location of the 8th but without Any of the Radikal Politics or the unUsual Psychedelics. The Heti of How Should a Person Be? is a Less Goth / More Twee Version of S.iS/:'s Hap'e Blue ( who Actually is from a House in the Northern Wood Land ), but while the Fictional Heti wanders around a Whole Book in a Platonic Art Relationship ( with a Few Detours to have "Controversial" Sx with a Man whose Most Distinguishing Feature is his Name ), Hap'e Blue wanders around the 6th Chapter of S.i/S: in a Anarkistic and Sxual Relationship, and then, instead of the Book ending with Every One in it realizing their Shared Ambiguity, OmG, Hap'e Blue cheats on the Guy, takes his rEvolutionary Ideas, moves to New York City and lives them out for Four More Fucking Chapters.

S.i/S: > H.S.P.B?

Think about it - One is running around High and Lusty and Dangerous ( to the System ) - the Other is Earnestly staring into your Friend's Eyes while saying, "What could I be doing to be a Better Person Right now?" It doesn't help that Heti's Mentor, throughout the Book, as to how to be a Great, Authentic Artist is Margaux, a Painter who throughout the Book ( I skimmed ) does no Thing to distinguish her Self from the Million Other Arts School Graduates inhabiting this Country : Margeaux is no Dean Moriarty.

S.i/S: is not a Huge Novel - it's got Ten Chapters, Each covering a Different Period during Ten Years of Hap'e Blue's Youth, and is Some where around 400 Pages - but it Sure packs a Hell Ton More of a Wallop than does the Dainty, Precocious, Airy, Self Involved, Faux proFound How Should a Person Be? -cause while Heti's Character strolls about her Book with Margeaux, wondering why she can't get Things done and how does she become a Genius without ever getting Any Thing done or becoming a Genius, Hap'e Blue is Busy doing Fucked up Things because she is a Genius - the Pretty Much Totally in/Sane Sort Only a Genius can be. Hap'e Blue is an Idiote Savante and, as a Result, the Forces of the Earth carry her to and fro. Heti's Self Awareness, the Shtick of How Should a Person Be?, keeps her grounded in Toronto, Self Consciously recording yet an Other Day in Purgatory.

And while How Should a Person Be? focuses on an Thirty Some Thing Arts Educated sub Urban Middle Class, S.i/S: xplores sub Cultures from Teen'Agers to Trailer Trash to Tree Planters to Marxists to Urban Professionals to the Nouveau Riche. The Whole Spectrum of Canadian Culture is visited, in Other Words, not just a District of Toronto known for selling Cheap Vegetarian Burritos to a Skinny Jeaned Clientele with Student Debts and Foggy Ambitions. UnLike in How Should a Person Be?, in S.i/S:, the Reader, whom ever that Might be, is taken out of their Comfort Zone and landed Some Place New.

So, the Fictionalized Sheila Heti emerges from How Should a Person Be? a Post Card from T.O. with a Cozy / Quirky / Twee Drawing on it

Hap'e Blue emerges from S.i/S: a Volatile Spirit of the Canadian North West

How Should a Person Be? is a Little Longer than a Novella. If you’re going to write a Novella, and I began making this Point Earlier when I was talking about the, I would say, Superior, for All its Plot Holes, because it had a Plot, it had a Struggle, Bottle Rocket Hearts - it’s got to be Fucking Mind Warping like Antwerp by Roberto Bolano, not Totally Fucking Similar in Tone and Content ( if a Little Better xecuted ) to Every Other Piece of Writing I've read by Some One Under Thirty Six since 9/11.

What's Creative about How Should a Person Be? are the { Witty Chapters Heading }, the Use of

Recorded

Conversation

instead of "Ordinary" Dialogue, the Obvious use of Real People as Characters and the Philosophical Premise implied by the Title - because we the Arts' Educated are bound to be impressed by a Reference to the Personal preOccupations of Philosophy Majors, no? The Prose is Dainty, Snippy, a Confection - and it's there Heti betrays her dePendence on the Whole Hipster Art Scene in General. Not a Lick of Difference between her Sweet, Self deprecating but Subtly Snide Tone and the Rest of Millenni Geni Hipsterdom with its Dewy Complxions, its Dewy Ideas, its Self Aware, Faux Naive, Faux Ironic, Soft but Judgmental Attitude and its Nudge Nudge Wink Wink disPlays of Liberal post Secondary Education / Trendiness.

As for me, not Only does my Prose stand a'Lone among the Other Young Writers of my Generation, does my Content toss out the Nauseaingly Self Conscious / inVolved Hipsterdom that has infected this Generation like Capitalism has infected the Globe for Some Thing Authentic and inTuitive and Free, my First Novel, even being about a Philosopher, is More of a Landscape Painting of a Life than a Collection of Literary Sketches, and on that Account it does not need to dress its Self as "More Philosophical" than your Average Novel - it just is.

I've looked, and I haven't found a Single Negative Review of Heti's Work on the InterNet. Even Margaret Atwood likes her - though with a Sly Neg ( her Comment on Twitter was that How Should a Person Be? was Good but "Strange" [ try "Phony" ] ). Maybe Margaret's as Bored of Canadian Literature MillenniGeni as I am and praising what ever comes along in hope it gets Better, just like she suggested she would in The Tent - an Other Mind Warping Short Book ( don't worry, it does ). Can I be the Only One who finds Heti's Conceits Trite? Limp Wristed? like Literary Whipping Cream? S.i/S: is a Meal with Protein and Veggies I hunted and gathered my Self. And so Canada's Litsters maybe about to beat me up for trashing their First Attempt at a Hero, but I'm not worried cause I've got Twenty Pounds of Muscle on them - Literally and in Literature.

A'Side - like Hipsters, I couldn't be Any Thing but the Product of the 21st Century ( the post Feminist Century of the InterNet ). UnLike Hipsters, however, I'm inImitable.

Peeps could try my Style on

but it would be Obvious to the Point of negating your Unique Talents where you picked up that Combination of unUsual Spellingz, Psychedelica and Sx Appeal.

The Only People who can have my Respect as Writers are those whose Literary Stylings are Utterly their Own. Every Body is Young and im'Pressionable at a Point, but to succeed as an Artist you need to move beyond inFluence ( Literary or Social ) into Originality. As demonstrated by the Central, Mimetic Relationship with Margaux, Sheila Heti is too Much like her Scene, and as we've seen, her Scene has been seen.

The Other Two Books by Sheila Heti ( Middle Stories and Ticknor ) are too Quaint, Man, too Quaint. You can't be Quaint and Great - unLess you're Jane Austen, or Emily Dickinson, but Dickinson was still Mad Dark, Austen was Hella Shrewd, that Era is Over, and their Brand of Wistful Feminine Writer has been so over played since Ladies got Buying Power it hurts my inTestines just to think about - Kind of like Miranda July.

So Fey, she makes me want to start smoking Venison while smoking.

Esi Edugyan's Half Blood Blues, Winner of the Giller in 2011, nominated to the Booker Prize, and the Rogers Writers’ Trust Fiction Award, and the Governor General’s Literary Award for English Language Fiction, Holy Crap, didn’t grab me at All, I'm Sorry to say. I got, like, Two Chapters into it, which is even Less than I read of Heti's Book, and I will xplain why, I promise. From what I could tell, Heti is a Better Prose Writer than Edugyan - Edugyan has the Superior Plotting Skills. Half Blood Blues is Good, if you know what I mean. It’s got a Meaningful Theme. I get the Point - the Theme - of Half Blood Blues, and I like it, a Lot. I’m Less Sure about the Prose, Man, and am a Fucking Stickler for Prose. A Literary Book is made on its Prose. It doesn't Matter how Meaningful your Theme is if your Prose is Hockey. You can get away with Despicable Characters and no Plot if reading your Prose is like sipping Golden Ambrosia, lying on the Warm Hairy Chest of Pan. The Same does not hold True of the Reverse : no Matter how Cool your Characters are / how Meaningful your Theme is, your Book will be Forgettable if your Prose is, as in Edugyan's Case, over Burdened with Colloquialism, Metaphor, and Simile ( Classic Signs of the Novice Writer, ie : she's trying to have the Best of Both Worlds - to write like a Man would speak if he was telling you the Story on the Bus, but also to throw in All Sorts of Lit Tricks, the Result being a Hodge Podge that is Believable neither as Orally Story Telling, nor as a Great Work of Literature ).

See, at no Point, in reading Half Blood Blues, was I ever convinced "Sid," our "Narrator," "unEducated Jazz Musician who survived WWII" ( ie : not a Man who would write a Book that would win the Giller ) was Any One Other than Esi Edugyan, Well Educated Young Lady from Canada, 2nd Millennium. It was Very disTracting. And Sad. Because I wanted Half Blood Blues to be Awesome. Half Blood Blues's Plot is Way More Awesome than Any of Sheila Heti's Plots.

But hey, the Literary Awards have to nominate Writers Every Year and Writers of Truly Transcendent Prose Only come along now and then - so, there's Really no Problem giving a Book like Half Blood Blues - whose Prose is under and over Written at Once but whose Theme is Morally Necessary - a Prestigious Literary Award like the Giller, is there? The More People read Half Blood Blues, the Better, in my Opinion. Don't let me deter you. I would Highly recommend Half Blood Blues to Any One who isn't a Prose Nazi. Whoa. Bad Joke.

Esi Edugyan’s 2nd Novel is Endemic of the Writing of Young Lady Writers from Universities - she's trying be praised. Well, she’s accomplished her Mission - the Giller to her. But, in writing about Places in Europe she visited, in the Voice of an Old Man Young in an Age she Never lived, the Young Lady from Canada is bound to trip up - Half Blood Blues is Neither Tight enough, nor Sprawling enough, and too Far from Home in Time and Place, to take on the Density of a Classic. Me, on the Other Hand, my Work comes from Two Places, grounded within me - Memory and Yearning - and for this Reason I release upon the Imagi Nation Vast Nordic Landscapes and inTricate Turtle isLand Cities, and xpose to Light the Dark Truths of the Modern Soul as it traverses these Regions. My Prose is Unique, multi Faceted, and the Pace of S.i/S: builds Slowly but Powerfully, like an Orgasm with an in Credibly inTeresting and Emotionally Astute Person. With Half Blood Blues I was never able to shake the Feeling I was reading a Book, Never able to disappear into the Txt the Way you might disappear into the Arms of a Talented Lover, and Quickly became annoyed with said Reading and put the Book down with a Feeling I would have to call "disAppointment."

Half Blood Blues is the Story of a post Colonial Black Xperience - a Younger The Book of Negros. S.i/S: is the Story of a post Colonial Canadian Xperience - an Anne of Green Gables for Adults - which is not to say that Either of these Perspectives Matter a Whit, Only that the Books fit Different Paradigms. What will make S.i/S: a Classic is not so Much a Matter of whose Story it tells, but a Matter of ( Prose and ) Controversy.

Half Blood Blues is so Easy to praise because its Themes are accepted and established Themes - the inJustices perpetrated by One Group of People over an Other and how we cope with these inJustices in our Day to Day Lives. Half Blood Blues is a Book of the Past - an Academic Book : it xists to account for a Place and Time in Western Culture for which there was Need of a Story -

Nature abhors a Vacuum.

For this Reason the Establishment is Xcited. Praising Half Blood Blues allows them to feel as if they are Moral People - People who empathize with the Sufferings endured by Others and support their xpressing it in Art. And though they are not her Sufferings Specifically, Esi Edugyan is according for Suffering that unDoubtably took Place, and for this Reason, her Aims in Writing Half Blood Blues are Noble. The Giller to her, then.

The Themes of S.i/S:, on the Other Hand, are as of yet unEstablished. They are in the Future. They are Nietzschean. They are beyond Good and Evil. For this Reason, S.i/S: will provoke Debate - in Fact, it requires Public Debate in Relation to its Themes for those Themes to accomplish their Mission here on Earth. Should we reevaluate our Stance on Drugs? on Teen'Agers? on Femininity? on Sx? on Education? on Government? I think so, and with my Book I fight for that, that the Rigidity of post Colonial Canadian Culture get a Good, Strong Jolt of Change. There is Much More Possible, and for Many Different Reasons, All Far More Xciting, than we have given our Selves Room to believe - All we have to do is throw out those outDated Social Regulators known as "Patriarchy," "Colonialism," and "Capitalism."

Add to that the Fact that the Author of S.i/S:, rather than fitting Neatly, Demurely, into the Academic and Literary Molds as Edugyan has, is an un Believably Young, Spectacularly Dressed, Wild and Promiscuous Media Queen with a Talent for pushing Buttons and a Reputation for tearing her Other Writers to Pieces. Well, I do say - I will get More Attention.

Esi Edugyan has, according to this Review, questioned her Role as Writer in this Society. She thought, "Perhaps I will quit and do Law." On the Basis of University Investments, however, she produced a Work. And it's Themes were Good - I tell you. Giller Worthy, in Fact. But for the Great Writers, there is no Room for Question. We destroy our Selves for our Art. We travel to Hell and back that you Might know of it, and the Only Thing that redeems our Painful Journey is the Record we make of it. This is my Life’s Mission, Ladies and Gentle'Men, this is my Calling from God, and I live Every Moment of it Certain of who I am and what I must do. I will be adored, despite my Viciousness, because my Love of Beauty and Freedom is Pure. These Words are but Blades of Grass in a Field of Passion. What I say about One Thing or an Other : Forgettable. That I dared to say it how I Truly felt it : im'Mortal.

Esi Edugyan, I look forward to your Nxt Work.

I haven't Read The Sentimentalists by Johanna Skibsrud, but when I do, I will add my Review to this Post, I pwomise, because even if I am a Self Glorifying Egoist, I am also Realistic and Fair. At Least, that's what my Chinese Horoscope says. Earth Dragon.

My imPressions, upon reading Six Million pre and post Giller 2010 Reviews, is that The Sentimentalists is "Jewel like" and "Moving." I flipped through it in a Chapters Once and determined it had "Good Prose."

In the Mean Time, I'm Bored of the East Coast and it's "Family Dramas" Full of "Secrets" - as if " All Great Canadian Novels are about Alcoholics in Old Houses in Newfoundland " ( F.tP.MF. ) The West Coast xists too, Toronto, you Cum Wads. I swear we have Plenty of Secrets and I'm gonna tell 'em.

In Conclusion - as a Result of its Style / Content the Social Impact of the Release of S.i/S: will be Greater than that of Any of the Other Novel by Canadian Lady up and Coming Novelists published Since the beginning of the 21st Century, including Skibsrud, whose Debut caused a Stir by being published by a Tiny Nova Scotia Press and not having enough Copies for People to buy when she won the Giller in 2010 ( Scandalous, I know ) - but what did the Book change about Society as a Whole? No, the Inner Dramas of Independent Canadian Publishers do not count. What did the Book change about the Way the Country sees its Self? About the Way the World sees Canada? About the Way Laws are enacted and Freedoms respected? About the Way Ladies are viewed and treated? Has any Public disCourse at All come up around The Sentimentalists that hasn't revolved around the selling of Hard Copies? In Other Words - is the Content im'Portant? My Answer would be - no. The Book came and went and Middle Aged Ladies bought it.

The Fundamental Difference between S.i/S: and the Comparable Books I have read or read about by Canadian Lady up and Coming Novelists is the Difference between a Symphony and a Song, Man

It's the Emotional Range

It's the Staying Power

ROUND FOUR

" And the Content of S.i/S: achieves All this, does it, Miss Coates? It throws New Light onto Literature, Culture, Sxual Identity, Law, does it now, hm? "

Why, thank you for asking, Inner Lit Crit! Of Course it does. Hap'e Blue evades Any Label by encompassing them All. Hap'e Blue disobeys Laws that aren't based in Love, Compassion, and Wisdom. Hap'e Blue over comes Cruelty and Ignorance. Hap'e Blue creates a Precedent for a Living Philosophy of Ladyhood by Ladies. Hap'e Blue adventures to the Far Corners of the Intellect and the Globe on Drugs and off them. Hap'e Blue finds God and a Husband, rejects them Both, and then goes looking again. Hap'e Blue wants to be who she is and you to be who you are and for us All to live in Peace punctuated by Occasional Competitions in which we All agree the Stakes are irReleveant but for Learning. Hap'e Blue is a Canadian Icon. And she's going to take me with her. Hap'e Blue will out live Andrea Coates because she is a Character, an ArcheType of the Powerful, Sensuous, Self Sufficient Sapiens Lady - the Femme Fatale as Protagonist.

ROUND FIVE

Because those Eight Terms to describe Sheila Heti's Work were Such Much Fun to come up with, I think I'll repeat them for my Self

From the Perspective of Fans :

and from the Perspective of those Haters out dhere :

ROUND SIX

"But still, Andrea. You haven't published Any of your Books. Shelia Heti has Three Published Books. You can't be a Great Canadian Writer off no Thing but Speculation, you Cunt."

True

I haven't published Any Thing off the InterNet

I'm Only Twenty Three

but I've been trying to be a "Great Writer" since I was Eight'Teen

and I have my Entire Oeuvre

my Life's Work

planned out

in Detail

and am not Shy about sharing

or promising its Completion

( it means a Lot to me )

and I doubt

Any of my Novel Writing Contemporaries

could say the Same

Here are All the Books I'm planning to write / am Currently writing ( xcepting Others I haven't thought of yet but un Doubtably will write ) until I croak at Age 92 -

1. S.i/S: Splendid in/Sanity - The First Master Work of Millennial Fiction - the Early Adventures of Hap'e Blue

2. The Sx Majik Book - a Thriller of a Novella about Witch Craft, Drugs, Sx, and Alt Lit - the Occult Adventures of Hap'e Violet

3. NORTH WEST REPRESENT the Poetry of Andrea Coates - Evocative Poems about Life in the North West

4. Andrea Coates' Troublesome Youth Poems- Poems written by me between the Ages of Thir'Teen and Eigh'Teen

5. Oh Serotonin, Where are You? in Poems by Andrea Coates- Poems about my Emotions

6. La Poètess Maudite does Brklyn- Hip Hop Style Poetry about my Time in N.Y.C.

7. When I say InterNet, you say RANT- a Coffee Table Book of my Imagery, Satirical Essays and Aphoristic Twitterpating

8. Hap'escapes- a Collection of Short Stories that blur the Line between Dream / Reality / Truth / Lie / IdEntity / Fantasy in the Life of Hap'e Brown

9. A Book about the Visionary Xperience

10. A Book about my Relationship with the Jinn, Steve Jobs

11. A Movie about Gangsters

12. A Movie about Vancouver, Fashionistas and Capitalists

13. We change the World- The Great Mythological Psychedelic Realist Novel, featuring inter Locked Stories that span Time and Space - the Adventures of Hap'e Gold, Green, Blue, Pink, and Black

14. On Sx - a Philosophical Look at Sapiens Sxuality in the Past, Present and Future

15. On Drugs - a Philosophical Look at the Relationship between Drugs and Sapiens in the Past, Present and Future

16. On Anarchy - a Philosophical look at Free Form Sapiens Societies in the Past, Present and Future

17. UnTitled- Nordic Adventures of Hap'e White

!!! TAKE DOWN !!!